This Match Report is sponsored by Aalto Construction, M.H. Construction,  H&H Construction & Green Tangerine Catering


Surrey County Premier Football League 

Keens Park Rangers 1 Hounslow United 2

Goal: Lucas Atkin

Man-of-the-match: Chris Butler

If the visitor’s celebrations were anything to go by, KPR are most definitely ‘Massive’. Maybe, as garage DJ Scott Garcia suggested in 1997, celebrating so hard is a ‘London Thing‘? If so, as Jungle pioneer Ruffkutt announced as far back as 1994, KPR are clearly not part of the ‘London Massive’.

The excuses were there, of course. The first-team was suffering Human Resource issues – including both first choice centre forwards – no recognised keeper and a referee who gave the visitors carte blanche to throw their weight about with reckless abandon. Having said that, and ting, it was KPR who had the better of the early exchanges. Good feet and good movement certainly created a few half-chances. And a few of the KPR players – most notably Archie – accepted the referee’s invite and gave a bit back to the visitors. Indeed, he clobbered their ‘East Side’ winger so hard his hair band fell off!

The crowds were also ‘Massive’

Going up the slope against a very strong wind suggested it may be best to keep the ball on the carpet. But KPR’s opening goal was an entirely aerial affair as Dan Way’s free kick found Rob Partridge at the far post, who then nodded it back across the goal for debut captain Luke Atkin to head in from close range.

No more than KPR deserved the home supporters were dismayed at the equaliser, which should be filed under ‘soft’ had Seamus not been filling in between the sticks.

Timing is everything

Thereafter, it was largely KPR. Archie, Reece, Jack and Oscar all had chances. But they failed to test their keeper, before the visitors had their inevitable passage of dominance. Bravery from Seamus and a fully committed block from Doug kept the scores level, even though man-of-the-match Chris Butler had a further chance just before half-time.

It was Jack’s head that featured early in the second-half, however. And the referee maybe ought to have given a penalty having whacked Jack, KPR’s midfield Prodigy, in the face. No Good as that decision was, substitute Rory continued KPR’s pressure and should have scored had he managed to get more power on a header that failed to clear their lofty keeper’s arms.

The pressure continued with Archie almost scoring with his groin. But we were hardly running, Adam F-like Circles around them. And sure enough, they took the lead, and ting (one more won’t hurt), after possession was sacrificed in midfield and a decent shot from distance evaded the valiant efforts of a horizontal Seamus at full-stretch in mid-air.

The celebration was, to say the least, ‘exuberant’ and the referee was forced to book the scorer for taking his shirt off. I reckon he’d have stripped off entirely given the opportunity. If all concerned were lucky to be spared his ‘Tiny Temper‘ their primary ‘rude boy’ was exceedingly lucky to escape a red card for spitting at Seamus (and, it seems, Rory).

Man-of-the-match Butler ventures into the oppo’s half

If the referee didn’t see it, there’s little to be done. But those two lads in particular are not known as Liars. Yet, KPR should have got the draw they certainly deserved had Jack not fluffed his lines after great persistence from Vic and the Rory.

The final whistle (no way am I adding a link to dreadful 80s Hip Hop group ‘Whistle’ here!) led to a collective outpouring from the visitors so large as to be unfathomable and at least one of their players should thank his manager for reminding him he ‘could still be sent off’. In doing so, he earned his extremely generous Caribbean rum (he didn’t strike me as a champagne kinda fella). In fact maybe we should have given him the bottle and a Brown Paper Bag to go with it?


This Match Report is sponsored by Aalto Construction,  H&H Construction & Green Tangerine Catering