"Hawaiian Pizza 5-0" - The KPR Match Report

This Match Report is sponsored by H&H Construction

Surrey FA Development Challenge Cup

Keens Park Rangers Reserves 5 Worplesdon Phoenix Reserves 0

Goals: Dougal, Nick, Toby, Nakil, Felix

Man-of-the-match: Dougal

The KPR ressies stormed to a 5-0 win away to Worplesdon in the Development Challenge Cup in a performance that belied the difficult conditions.

Captain Watto afforded the freedom of Worplesdon

Indeed, there was really only one team in the match from the very start, as the ressies passed the ball all around the pitch and created a large number of chances. The best of these were falling to Josh in a more advanced role than usual. And, having linked up well with captain Watto in the centre of midfield, he ought to have opened the scoring but either fired wide or straight at the keeper.

Watching was quite difficult given the sun was low behind the goal KPR were attacking, but it didn’t hold the players back and Watto delivered a simple free kick (that the supporters mistakenly thought might have been a penalty due to the low sun) to the centre of the six yard box where the oncoming Dougal tapped it home.

Physics

So far, so simple. and more chances arrived in quick succession, only for them to be squandered until Nick, lived up to his name by poaching a second before the end of the half.

Although the second half began in much the same fashion, it was clear the ressies would have to totally self-destruct in order not to win. And yet, the travelling supporters were hungry for more entertainment beyond the increasing tally of yellow cards being dished out to the opposition.

Mercifully, it came with a delightfully taken chip over the keeper by Toby, who had been putting a strong solo shift in up top. And, like busses, another arrived from a corner with Nakil nodding the ball in from close range.

Moody (and that was just Seamus watching)

The ressies keeper Josh largely a mere spectator, Callum – who had been on one of the trio of generational KPR Crimbo dos’ in London the previous day – ensured his afternoon wasn’t entirely stress free. But, that said, Callum (maybe still under the influence) went on a number of marauding runs, and even had a chance for glory late in the match only for him to fluff his attempted scissor kick to the crowds hearty amusement.

Ultimately, the ressies could have scored at any point and with subs, including Sammy, on the pitch the hosts were struggling to keep up and it was Sammy who created the fifth and final goal with a driving run and low cross that fellow substitute Felix back heeled in from close range to put the pepperoni of the post-match pizzas down the King’s Head after what was a totally dominant performance.