This Match Report is sponsored by Aalto Construction, M.H. Construction,  H&H Construction & Green Tangerine Catering


Surrey County Premier Football League

Keens Park Rangers 5 Frenches Athletic 1

Goals: Michael Woods (2), Doug Noble, Luke Mitchell, Oscar Day

Man-of-the-match: Michael Woods

The first team continued their good form with a comprehensive ‘la victoire’ over visitors Frenches Athletic this week.

‘Sports Bar’ manager El Boy watching Chelsea through gritted teeth

Like us, the opposition are newly promoted to this level of football, and the early exchanges suggested they are a very well organised unit with crisp passing and positional play that outshone the home team. In fact they ought to have opened the scoring had their number eleven not hit his chance high and wide with only Kieran to beat.

Doug on the move

It soon proved costly, as an incisive pass from Luke set Woodsy free to cut inside the defender and place his shot inside the near post against the run of play. The next five minutes or so were played in KPR’s last third. But, again, the home team proved the more efficient when another croissant, this time over the top, found Woodsy on the right side of the pitch and he produced an excellent finish over the keeper on the run. Zut alors!

‘Deux’ up, KPR finally looked the dominant team the scoreline suggested, and matters got even better when a tres sexy menage a trois of midfielders strung a series of one-touch passes together before the advancing Doug slotted the ball into the far corner superbly. A fantastic goal, we’d produced three ruthless finishes in twenty-five minutes. But it was their manager who, Robespierre-like, proved the most ruthless of all in taking two players off who’d not really had a chance to do anything (good or bad). Sacre bleu!

Ben enjoying the espace

Talk at half-time was of the chances of throwing away a three goal lead. Tongue in cheek, ressies manager Callum chirped up with a helpful anecdote of losing a five goal lead when a nipper for Onslow Boys. But we needn’t have worried as man-of-the-match Luke quickly scored with another sweet strike to put KPR ‘petit fours’ up.

Naturellment, signs of frustration began to show among the visitors and Rory got a less than subtle whack around the head. The referee must have had a busy Sunday planned as he eschewed any paperwork by letting it slide. But it was KPR who would benefit the most from his leniency as first Kieran should have conceded a penalty had the opposition forward not stayed on his feet.

More KPR pressure

Ultimately, the visitors were not to be denied as the referee then gave a penalty against Doug who had done little more than win the ball robustly. While this earned Doug ‘Dick d’jour’, Kieran could do nothing about the penalty. While it was a shame to concede, the supporters couldn’t grumble too much as the referee then let off substitute Dan with two or three displays of petulance that could have easily been yellow cards on another day.

This summed up what became a very scrappy passage of play for KPR. If the flowing moves and efficient finishing had deserted KPR, the visitors failed to take any advantage. And, once again, this proved costly as substitute Oscar demonstrated typical persistence in closing a back pass to the keeper down.

‘Dick d’jour’ Doug thankful for the outfit in the post-pub rain

On its own this may have been enough, but the hapless keeper missed his clearance thanks to a bobble and as much as he tried to out-moule young Oscar he was too quick and ensured the ball crossed the line from all of twenty-five centimetres. Vive la systeme metrique!

The game done and dusted the referee made the supporters wait for their beers with some ten minutes of injury time, and it was good (as all the opposition seem to do in this league) to see the opposition stick around for a couple themselves. Indeed, it is merely au revoir, as we meet Frenches again next week at their place. Shame I’ve used up all my puns.


This Match Report is sponsored by Aalto Construction,  H&H Construction & Green Tangerine Catering